Parents and Stress
If you’re a parent or caregiver and often feel completely overwhelmed by stress, then you’re certainly not alone.
Around 63 million parents in the United States are living with children under 18 years old. Parents and caregivers have become increasingly stressed over the past decade — in fact, new research shows that 41% of parents in the U.S. now feel so stressed most days that they can’t function, and 48% say most days their stress is completely overwhelming. It’s become enough of a concern that the U.S. Surgeon General released an Advisory on parents’ mental health and well-being in August 2024.
“There are many different categories that are underlying this, and it's not any one factor,” says Gene Beresin, MD, MA, a child and adolescent psychiatrist at Mass General Brigham. “What most parents want to know are some tips on what they can do to help reduce their stress and the impact it has on their parenting, as well as the care of their kids of all ages. There are strategies to take action.”
Dr. Beresin, director of the Clay Center for Young Healthy Minds at Massachusetts General Hospital, expands upon the Advisory and shares several tips for parents to help manage their stress.
Why are parents more stressed than ever?
There’s a plethora of reasons why parents and caregivers in the U.S. are more stressed than usual, Dr. Beresin says.
Here are some of the most common reasons:
Financial concerns. Worries about money and the economy plague many households across the U.S., but parents worry more about finances compared to other adults. The cost of childcare has increased by about 26% in the last decade, and many parents worry about fulfilling basic needs for their children.
Time constraints. The demands of work and childcare often leave little room for parents to spend time with their partners, care for aging relatives, or take time for themselves. Both mothers and fathers are working more than ever before, dedicating an average of 33.5 hours per week to work.
Children’s health and wellbeing. “There’s a youth mental health epidemic, with skyrocketing rates of depression, anxiety, stress, loneliness, and suicide,” says Dr. Beresin. Nearly 1 in 5 children in the U.S. has a special health care need, which includes chronic physical, behavioral, developmental, or emotional conditions.
Children’s safety. Parents worry about their children being bullied, kidnapped or attacked, and having issues with drugs or alcohol. But school shootings are a major source of stress for both parents and children, Dr. Beresin says. Children may experience anxiety going back to school, and parents can find it challenging to talk to their kids about violence and how to stay safe.
Isolation and loneliness. Parents, especially single parents, feel more lonely than other adults in the U.S. “It’s very dangerous from a mental health standpoint, increasing rates of anxiety, depression, and suicidal thinking. But it also has physiological consequences, like impairing and weakening the immune system, turning to substances, among other things,” Dr. Beresin adds.
Misuse of social media. Children’s use of technology and social media are the top two reasons why nearly 70% of parents say parenting is more difficult than it was 20 years ago. Parents worry about cyberbullying, screen time, sexting, how to know what’s safe online, and how social media can affect their child’s self-esteem and body image.
Issues across the U.S. and the world. “Parents are concerned about many issues that youth and teenagers are also worried about. Climate change, sexual assault, gun control and violence, and disparities in terms of race, LGBTQ+, immigrants, and other marginalized people in the population,” says Dr. Beresin.
How does stress affect parents and children?
When you’re extremely stressed for extended periods of time, there can be consequences to your mental and physical health. Stress can affect your heart health, increase substance and alcohol use, and lead to burnout – especially if you feel you’re not accomplishing everything you need to.
“Burnout is emotional exhaustion,” Dr. Beresin explains. “A little exhaustion coupled with detachment and feelings of worthlessness, and it results in poor self-care. And for parents, it can lead to poor care of your kids, decreased empathy, and impaired decision-making.”
When a parent experiences poor mental health, it can affect how they care for their child and lead to adverse childhood experiences. Research shows that children of a primary caregiver with poor mental health are 4 times more likely to have poor health in general, and 2 times more likely to have a mental, behavioral, or developmental disorder.
Risk factors for mental health conditions
Certain factors can increase a parent or caregiver’s risk for mental health conditions, such as if you, your partner, or you both:
Experience poverty, such as living in a low-income household or experiencing job or food insecurity
Are an immigrant or a racial, ethnic, gender, or sexual minority. Experiencing racism or discrimination based on your identity increases the risk of mental health conditions.
Have been incarcerated, divorced, or a victim of violence
Are in the military or have been deployed
Have a disability or chronic medical issue
Are pregnant or recently gave birth. One in 8 people who gives birth experiences symptoms of postpartum depression, which can occur up to a year after childbirth. Men can also experience depression and anxiety leading up to and after the birth of their child.
How can parents and caregivers manage their stress?
The Advisory includes several ways that the U.S. government, employers, community, and overall culture can shift to better support parents and caregivers.
But what can be done now, on an individual level? Dr. Beresin expands on what parents can do to help protect themselves and their children from the negative effects of stress:
Build resilience
Building resilience can help parents prevent and manage burnout. “People are not born resilient. Resilience is a skill that one has to learn,” Dr. Beresin says. You learn how to become more resilient when you build skills that help you adapt and keep moving forward when things go wrong.
You can build resilience with:
Interacting with family, friends, peers, spiritual leaders, and other members of your community can help you feel more supported, connected, and trusting of others. “We human beings are pack animals. We’re not meant to be solo pilots,” Dr. Beresin adds.
Being aware of your own thoughts, feelings, and behavior can help you understand how that affects you and others around you. You can use that knowledge to better navigate your emotions and change how you respond to adversity.
Practice self-care
Another key to managing stress is incorporating self-care into your daily or weekly schedule.
“It's like when the flight attendant says if the oxygen drops, put the mask on yourself first and then help the person next to you,” Dr. Beresin explains. “You can't do everything for yourself and everybody else all the time. You have to set priorities and carve out time where you are not responsible for anything other than your own enjoyment, whether that's listening to music or taking a walk.”
Some other tips for parental self-care include:
Practice meditation or yoga. Yoga and mindful meditation, even for just 10 minutes a day, can reduce anxiety and stress.
Exercise. There are many physical benefits to exercise, especially when it comes to your heart health. But physical activity like strength training or even simply walking — especially if it gets you outside — can have a profound impact on your mental health.
Avoid phones and media for at least part of the day. “We’re all digital hostages,” admits Dr. Beresin. “But being able to put down the phone and be fully present with your family at meals or various other times is incredibly valuable.”
Try to get more sleep. While it’s easier said than done, getting enough sleep is important for both your physical and emotional state. If stress is keeping you up at night, consider these tips to sleep better and wake up rested.
Spend time with others. Set aside time for short check-ins and calls with your family and friends, even planning family dinners for your household. Maintaining connections helps you feel more supported and reduces stress.
Do something for someone else. Our brains are wired to gain more satisfaction from giving to others than receiving, Dr. Beresin says. Helping a neighbor or volunteering in your community can help you feel better knowing you made a positive impact on someone’s life.
The Clay Center offers more self-care ideas and resources for parents and caregivers. Seeing your primary care physician (PCP) regularly is another important step, and you can discuss other techniques with your doctor to find what works best for you and your family.
Know when to seek professional help.
The stress of parenting can become overwhelming, even if you do your best to practice self-care and build resilience. Dr. Beresin emphasizes that the most important thing is to seek professional help when you’re not feeling better on your own. Talk to your PCP about what you’re feeling, and they can help set up an evaluation with a psychiatrist or psychologist.
“We want people to be aware and know what to look for, and then what to do. There are potential solutions for everybody,” says Dr. Beresin.
